TIME-OUT STRATEGIES
Summarized from Parenting the Strong Willed Child

By Dr. Nicholas Long

Time-out means time-out from attention and rewards. Research has shown that time-out can be truly a very effective procedure when used correctly. However, with slight changes in only one or two things, it can become ineffective. It is very important, therefore, to understand the critical details.

Critical details to be effective:

1. It must be immediate. When a child misbehaves in a certain way, time-out needs to happen right then.
2. Don’t use repeated threats or warnings. One warning only.
3. Parent’s attitude is very important. Don’t let the child see that the parent is upset. Child should see parent continuing on with life (reading newspaper, etc.). Attitude for parent: “no sweat off my back.”
4. Don’t talk to child while in time-out. The #1 reason time-out does not work is because parent talks to child while he is in the time-out chair.

   Time-out means time-out from attention! Child will do anything to get attention and say things to “push a button” to get parent to talk to them (“You don’t love me”, I have to go potty, etc.).

5. Child should not be allowed to take anything into time-out with them (toys, books, etc.).
6. Don’t focus on amount of time in time-out. Time isn’t the critical thing here. The most important thing is for the child to settle down. Start with a very brief time in chair if he settles down.
7. Don’t give a long lecture after child gets out of time-out. The lecture is mainly for the parents benefit anyway.
8. Restate the directions immediately after time-out If child went to time-out for not following a direction (such as picking up a toy), parent goes over to child and asks: “Are you ready to get out of time-out?” If child kicks, spits, etc., he is obviously not ready to get out – parent walks away. If child says “yes”, then parent says, “now you need to go pick up your toy.” If he picks it up, he is praised. If he doesn’t, he goes back to time-out. (This is repeated until he picks up the toy – or he turns 18!)

Time-Out Issues

1. Can’t get a child to stay in chair
   Advice: Use adult size chair, feet off ground. If child gets down, immediately say “No” and pick up child and put back.
   It is important to be persistent and not give in to child.
   (Remember, child be compliant and quiet or turn 18)

   Pick up child from behind and carry over to chair if necessary.

   Two rules for child to know:

   1. Stay in chair.
   2. Be quiet.
   If older child, remover other privileges if continues to be non-compliant.
2. How children may try to get out of time-out.
   “I have to go to the bathroom.”
   “I hate you.”
   “You don’t love me.”
   “I’m going to throw up.
   “I like time-out.”

   When these statements don’t work, they probably won’t be used often.

3. Appropriate place for time-out.
   Can’t see TV.
   Parents can barely see child.
   Children are separated.
   Not in a closet, garage, or even a bedroom generally.
   Child’s feet should not touch the floor
   
4. Checklist if time-out is not working:
   • Is it being used immediately?
   • Is the parent giving repeated warnings?
   • Is time-out being used consistently across the board with behaviors, times etc. being consistent?
   • Is there enriched “time-in”?
   • Are good directions being given?
   • Is the location for time-out appropriate?
   • Is the child being ignored while in time-out?
   • Is the child quiet before time-out is ended?

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