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Thorny questions about racial identity

07/10/2002 By MARINA MARTINEZ / The Dallas Morning News

Bunny was definitely a charming child. She had her choice of friends; they gravitated toward her squirrelly giggles and commanding smile. But there was always one she picked from the group. One who liked the same books, enjoyed the Bible game, always participated in crafts - and looked like her. Bunny is biracial - black and Hispanic. It wasn't always the same child, but they shared the same characteristics. Every day at about 5 p.m., I entered the First Baptist Church child-care room. Bunny would greet me and run back to her friend - her black friend with frizzy hair pulled into a ponytail, with eyes like molasses and skin like caramel. But the inevitable question came up one day among the tiny people. If we bite Ebony, will she taste like chocolate? The question is harmless among 2- and 3-year-olds, but it certainly proved to have many more implications for Bunny.

She began noticing the differences in appearance among her peers. "Kathryn is pretty. She has pretty yellow hair and bluish eyes," she would say. The situation played out at different schools after we moved from Corpus Christi to Arlington. In kindergarten there were no other children in the classroom who remotely resembled Bunny, except one who happened to have slightly darker skin. She would become Bunny's friend for the next three years. Eugenia, a Malaysian-Indian child, didn't look exactly like Bunny's other friends, but her appearance was striking enough for Bunny's attention. Her hair was like midnight, sleek and full down to her earlobes. She had skin like milk chocolate and half-dollar-size eyes to match.

Bunny was 6 years old when I finally found the nerve to ask her. One night as we turned the corner off the freeway toward the road home, I asked, "Are you purposely choosing best friends because they look like you?" "What?" Not the profound response for which I'd hoped. I clarified. "Do you only like those girls because they have dark skin, hair and eyes like you? Does that make you more comfortable around them?" No, she just liked them. I explained that it is natural and perfectly acceptable to want a confidant for those reasons, as long as children who do not conform are not excluded. She shrugged and agreed. But she reiterated that those are not the only reasons she loves her best friend and liked the other dark-skinned playmates.

After our short discussion, she seemed to ponder the question much more than she had let on. She began reading biographies about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Harriet Tubman and spent the rest of the year playing with Eugenia. In first grade, she went a step further, reading books by the likes of Jacqueline Woodson, Mildred D. Taylor and Deborah Hopkinson - notable black authors who explored topics that I had never actively encouraged her to investigate. Which I thought was great. I had always done my best to make her aware of her two cultures - for example, by discussing slavery and Aztecs - but I didn't want to overdo it. She always prefers books she chooses to those I introduce.

Her quest made me proud, although she lacked the enthusiasm to investigate her Hispanic heritage despite my encouragement. That hurt me somewhat. It seemed she was searching for more of an appearance association. Her hair and skin are associated more with black ethnicity than Hispanic. Bunny never exhibited other efforts to try to find where she belongs. For instance, she never cared much for Christie, Barbie's black counterpart. Bunny's apparent craving to belong created some concerns for me and her new white stepfather, who created more cultural areas for her to explore.

The summer before second grade, Bunny had crossed a milestone in her identity quest. A child made trouble during the child-care center's trip to the zoo. Bunny was blamed mistakenly for the behavior of that child, the only other child of color at the center and her friend. By Bunny's standards, the girl had the same caramel skin, molasses eyes and pony-tailed hair. She is biracial; black and white. Bunny's feelings were hurt immensely. The mix-up was corrected, but the outcome was clear. Bunny decided she would ally with whomever she could most identify with. Bunny's loyalty to this girl continues this summer, even though they still get into trouble and disagree about the cause.

She also remains a best friend with Eugenia, a wonderful child and a wonderful complement to Bunny's personality. I worry, though, that as she grows, Bunny's subconscious choice of friends will lead her into difficult situations like that day at the zoo. When she is older, will she be tormented with comments such as "You are not black enough" or "You probably don't even know Spanish"? She'll have help along the way, and it may not come from me.

Eugenia, the introvert, encompasses characteristics children that age have trouble displaying: knowledge, maturity and a thirst for never-ending learning. The other girl is outgoing, headstrong and energetic. Sometimes these traits are a source of trouble. Bunny is both girls wrapped into one. Does her appearance dictate her personality? Her choice of friends by summer's end could provide a clue to her search for a niche or a decision not to commit to either of her cultures, but to share them with friends who resemble her and with those who have "pretty yellow hair."

She's only 8, but intelligent. She has most of the tools she needs, for now, to understand how she wants to represent her two cultures. I pray she will continue seeing the best in all people, including those without caramel skin. There was a time when I thought she was one of a kind. Now I'm positive. Bunny has the opportunity to be in tune with her culture and self in a way that most children don't have the chance to understand. E-mail mmartinez@dallasnews.com

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